Women vs. Women: When Will It End?

15 May

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And so begins another rant, prompted by stumbling upon day-to-day interractions between women on social media websites (not surprisingly). Distasteful ones, I might add.

What is it with women and wanting to put other women down?

Humans are comparative by nature. However, women are particularly insane in this regard.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a misogynist. I am just tired of the snarky comments and catty attitudes – most of which are stemming from a severe lack of self-confidence and an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. When you cannot or will not source the problem, the easiest solution is taking it out on something or somebody else; in this case, other women.

“Real women have curves! Skinny women look like bags of bones.”

“I love my curves – shove it, you skinny bitches!”

“Ew, are you kidding me? She’s so thin. I like having extra meat, I don’t want to look like a stick figure!”

Shut the fuck up.

I <3 Miranda Kerr. Even if she doesn't squat and deadlift.

I love Miranda Kerr. Even if she doesn’t squat or deadlift.

Every woman has said something like this. Either in relation to smaller women, or larger women. I am also guilty of this (hey, it would be wrong to say that I have never spoken negatively before) But all this kind of attitude does is boost your own ego, however temporarily, and makes you feel better by trying to make other people look worse than you.

This is terribly, terribly wrong. And selfish. And ironic. Seeing as by uplifting your curvy stature you are attempting to fight against negative outside influences (i.e. media pressure), yet your way of doing so is by doing precisely the same thing the media does, only reversed.

Stop to think about what you are actually saying when you define somebody as a “real” woman. What constitutes “real”?

Would you ever tell a woman who has had a double mastectomy that she is not a “real woman”? Would you ever tell a woman who could not have children that she was not a “real woman”?

No.

So why would you tell a slimmer woman that she is not a real woman?

Boobs are gone. Cancer = beat. Is she not a "real woman" anymore?

Boobs are gone. Cancer = beat. Is she not a “real woman” anymore?

You know what makes a woman “real”? Being born with a fucking vagina. If there is no penis between her legs when she is born, she is a real woman.

Get over yourself.

Lawd have mercy.

(Note: This is of course excluding the wide variety of intersex conditions that may occur at birth, though more rare of course – congenital adrenal hyperplasia, or androgen sensitivity syndrome for example. That is a different story for a different day though. You get the point.) 

Not everybody has the same genetic make-up. Some women are just naturally on the smaller side. This doesn’t make them any less of a woman. But it makes YOU less of a lady by trying to make her feel inadequate. Everyone has their own battles to fight. Why kick someone when they are already down?

No woman anywhere likes to be put down. Period. Fat, curvy, skinny, fit, what have you. No woman likes to be told that they are not a woman because they do not have certain attributes.

We always complain about the pressure of the media that we face on a daily basis. And I get it. Fashion magazines, music videos, celebrities, etc. all give off the impression that skinny is beautiful. The media tends to look down upon women of different weights and proportions, which is why a lot of women who have a little extra meat are fighting back.

But since when has encouraging other women to love and embrace their bodies been a case of telling other women that they are “twigs” and “not real women” ?

How can you honestly feel good about encouraging women to love themselves and embrace their shape if you are putting down others who have a different shape from yours?

This is the most retarded thing I have ever read.

This is the most retarded thing I have ever read.

Do you think that women who are slimmer don’t ever feel bad about their bodies? Do you not think that they need encouragement to love and embrace their bodies as well? How would it make you feel if you knew that the girl you called a “little boy” killed herself from all of the negativity she received in regards to her body shape, and from her low self-esteem?

Don’t act like that shit doesn’t happen.

We need to be more positive. There is enough outside negativity as is without us adding more fuel to the fire. It’s not just about teaching curvy women to embrace their frames. It’s about teaching ALL women EVERYWHERE to accept and appreciate their bodies, and not down-talk themselves.

We need to encourage women to be HEALTHY and to be free of mental and physical self-inflicted abuse. Not send out negative vibes. The media does a good enough job at that already, and when you say these things to these other women, you are doing EXACTLY the same thing as the “fat-shaming” media that you hate oh-so-much.

You cannot encourage self-love through degradation of others.

So stop it with all this “real women have curves” bullshit. There is no reason to be enemies with someone because they are different. Learning to be supportive of others is  how you will find your own peace.

Spread the love, yo.

body_ls

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11 Responses to “Women vs. Women: When Will It End?”

  1. Krista Julienne May 15, 2013 at 12:39 am #

    It sounds pedestrian to blame it on media, but it really is that society values women based on their physical appearance. Of course women are going to say snarky things about other women’s appearance–that’s our only value! At least, that is how many of us are raised (male and female): a society, culture, and civilization, in which misogyny is so engrained, we can’t even recognize it. Rather than bothering to re-define what it means to be beautiful (whether that is healthy, or fit, or fat, or whatever), the focus should be on shifting our attitudes from ones that judge other women or other people, whether the judgment is on physical appearance or anything else, and focus on the self and the self’s place in the world. I realize that sounds kind of hippie and lame, but it is the truth.

    • thecookiemonster May 15, 2013 at 1:13 am #

      Not hippy or lame at all – it was actually one of my main points. Judge less, accept and encourage more. Work on yourself, and worry less about others.

  2. Crazygurl May 15, 2013 at 2:31 am #

    Love this post. Big fan of Miranda Kerr as well. She’s stunning. This post reminds me of a recent conversation I saw on fb where a bunch of ladies were bagging out Victoria secret models calling then too thin, not having a good ass, comments like “pancake ass, she should do some squats”, “they’re anorexic; real women don’t look like this” etc etc. It really annoys me as well, just the condescending vibe. It reeks of jealousy and this need for constant validation seems more like insecurity than confidence. It’s not being “confident in your own skin” when you keep putting down other women regardless of their shape. Great post!! 🙂

  3. Whitney Rains May 15, 2013 at 2:31 am #

    I hate this “real women have curves” movement. We put way to much stock in the media and their standards of beauty, instead of just realizing our own beauty. We are all women. We all look different, and we are all strong. I encourage my friends to lift weights and see what their bodies are capable of. Now that they’ve realized they don’t have to be “skinny” to be happy about themselves, they tote around the idea that their curves and muscles make them better than a slender woman. ITS JUST BULLSHIT.

    I’ve done it too. I’ve thought this shit just like everyone else has. But, its like my eyes are opened to the war against skinny. “Strong is the new skinny.” How about strong is loving yourself? What if strong was the new woman? Maybe I sound ridiculous, but a lot of this comes from the idea that women shouldn’t be strong. Maybe if you got over ourselves and our insecurities we could understand the true strength that lies within ourselves. WE CAN PUSH BABIES OUT OF OUR VAGINAS. If we can do that, I think we as a gender are capable of so much more than petty and shallow bickering.

    Please excuse my mini rant. I love your post.

  4. Whitney Rains May 15, 2013 at 3:06 am #

    Reblogged this on Lively Athena and commented:
    Read please!

  5. Tara May 15, 2013 at 8:10 am #

    As always, love your posts! I only work with men, and some of the stuff they say about women is disgusting. Call me naive, but I kind of believed that guys didn’t notice things like a little cellulite or unkempt eyebrows. Hearing how these boys (definitely NOT men) talk about women makes it all the more clear why women need to support each other. I’ll admit that I used to be much more judgemental towards other women, but I can fully admit that it stemmed from jealousy. I never felt comfortable in my own skin, so it was easy to criticise others. Thankfully now I don’t care what any woman looks like and I don’t think there is an ideal body type that makes you ‘woman’ or not.

    • Trev May 15, 2013 at 7:37 pm #

      You should hear some of the things I’ve heard groups of women say about men. I’ve heard girls talk about dating a man solely because he had a six-pack, or drove a Bentley, or had an AMEX Black Card, or because he made $1 million last year. Women can be just as vain and shallow and vulgar. Does that make them “girls” and not women? Does that mean men should “support” each other against the material superficiality of all women? I am not saying your coworkers comments were appropriate or tasteful. But don’t throw it all on us, or even make it an “us versus them.” I think Christine would agree that is part of the bigger problem.

      • Tara May 23, 2013 at 7:53 am #

        Oh I agree – women can be just as shallow, if not worse, and I don’t think you can generalise either gender. I know some wonderful men who truly appreciate strength in women and don’t care about a little cellulite. I was just feeling particularly bitter after being surrounded by these douchebags all day!

  6. jag1978 May 15, 2013 at 6:28 pm #

    Fucking Amen!

  7. Horus Lupercal May 25, 2013 at 8:22 pm #

    hahah sounds right….I go to uni now and i study nursing and i am one of the three guys in class, it is funny hearing about some of the shit these girls argue about. I dont want to eat veges, “cows eat grass”, she keeps on reminding me that every-time she sees me eating veges, i just remind her she looks like a cow regardless of her lack of veggie consumption and i dont, cause i eat veges and meat not sugary treats all day and complain about weight issues, she also told someone she needs a makeover which she doesn’t ,cause this girl is beautiful she looks good need without any of that crap on her face. Some of them also have issues with how this other girl dresses ,cause she dresses normal not dolled up like a street hooker but hell she is really intelligent and strong, she doesn’t look like someone from a sports magazine but she is gorgeous . There are Some of them who look like a twig and still wants to loose weight, what sucks is they keep on asking me how to loose weight, honestly i don’t know what to say, if i tell these girls to go lift they will honestly die, they are too lazy to walk up a flight of stairs and think i am insane cause i walk 6 kilometers to uni which is not far. Sheesh they have trouble walking to mc donalds which is like 200 meters away and sends someone else who can actually use their legs to grab stuff for them. Group work O god, dont get me started on that…sometimes i question why i picked this course to go into. And yes about that shallow women i had that problem before when i had money i had someone live with me for a while since i was 18 to 25 provided for her and her family, started off small with a sleeping bag to pretty decent paycheck when i lost everything got and a bit sick, she left…

  8. Elaine Huba June 2, 2013 at 6:21 am #

    LOVE this post!! I adore all women:) I don’t understand why anyone has to justify their body shape/size or why people judge others on the basis of aesthetics. I feel like its only when you start appreciating the beauty of others in all different forms, that you can be truly happy with your own.

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