Fighting Insecurity With Perspective

21 Mar

not good enough

Let me tell you a little something about insecurity.

It hurts. It’ll eat you alive if you let it. And after battling with severe insecurity issues for 13 years of my life, I can tell you now that it’s a disease, and an infectious one at that. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that your insecurities are your own battle to fight. Insecurity affects everyone around you, but especially those who are close to you.

The cycles of negativity we get ourselves into are tremendously destructive. We all have a PhD in defeatism, and thrive off of the abuse we inflict on our minds and bodies – always searching, but never really finding what it is we’re going after. The problem is that we are too often chasing perfection rather than striving for continual improvement.

If perfection is what you are looking for, you are never going to find it. It is inconclusive, and therefore unattainable. Regardless of what you may deem “perfection” now, that image will change when and if you reach it. There is no such thing as perfection, and there never will be.

So then you have to ask yourself again: what is it you are after, and why you want do you want to achieve it?

source: lifeisbeautifulhk.com

Behind every story of success, there was a definite cause. And behind every cause, there was a thought. And to know exactly what you really need to do to reach your goals you must determine what thought caused you to want change.

So tell me. Why do you want to change?

We are inquisitive beings by nature. Most of us are far quicker to question the motives of others, when really we should be taking the time to question our own motives. Behind every goal and every action, lies something;  and more often than not, that certain something is some kind of insecurity.

People hardly want to do things “just because”. There is always something that sparked the initial thought.  The only way you can find out the true motive is by breaking down your goal so much that you almost feel as though you’ve strayed from the original idea. For some people, this can lead them all the way back to when they were a kid in kindergarten, or their first relationship. It could lead them back to something someone said to them years ago, or something they read or saw in a movie. It could be anything, really.

Targeting the initial thought can take some time. Unfortunately, not everyone wants to take time for themselves. Everyone is too busy with things they “need to do”, or rather what they think they need to do. Nothing is more important than self-improvement. Without a little soul-searching, we’re as lost as a child on a busy highway. We have a general idea of what we think we need to do to find success and happiness, but spend no time getting to know ourselves well enough to determine whether or not what we’re doing is conducive to our goals. And instead of working on ourselves, we live a cookie-cutter life and battle with constant bouts of negativity and feelings of worthlessness for not being able to accomplish what we want in life, when really we are the only ones holding ourselves back.

insecurity

Insecurity comes from a decreased awareness of self. There is something broken in the mind to body connection that we are all born with, and it has separated your heart from your body. You feel inadequate when you feel imperfect. While some insecurities are human nature to develop, the stronger the bond between your body and your mind becomes, the stronger sense of self-awareness you possess, and the less likely you are to be self-abusing due to falling short of some idealistic view of yourself. And this is because you no longer have a picture of your “perfect” self in mind when you are working towards your goals. Instead, you have an ongoing mission to constantly improve and move forward.

Perspective.

I don’t want you to look into the mirror and tell me what you see. Instead, I want you to stop what you are doing, and look at your hands. Don’t focus on the physical qualities of them, but rather what they can accomplish.

Stuck? I’ll give you a hint:

Your hands have the power to heal. To love. To lift. To comfort. To embrace. To build. To defend. To help somebody up. To save a life. To hold hands with your partner or child. To write. To speak.

What was once considered to be mere flesh and bone now appears to be a genius invention with endless capabilities.

Once again, the change in perspective is everything. 

Is your body just a body, or is it the home to limitless potential? 

Open Hands

We cannot change through other’s or our own positive affirmations related to how we perceive our physical selves. The only way to replenish your depleted feelings of self-worth is to dig deeper. Look BEYOND the physical. Understand that you are more than your body. You are more than your job, your relationship, your possessions, or your accomplishments. You are yourself. A living, breathing, remarkable organism with the power and intelligence to accomplish anything you want.

The problem with focusing simply on visual body image is that it is only temporary. Looking in the mirror and telling yourself you are beautiful is not going to help you overcome your negativity. While it may lift spirits temporarily for some, you are still too focused on the image of yourself. You are too focused on what you can physically see.

THAT is what prevents you from moving forward.

We cannot see capability. We cannot see accomplishment. That is why we so often hold ourselves back. We cannot see what we can do, and therefore we don’t believe we can do it. Even though it lives inside all of us, like any other belief, it requires faith to accept.

I am not religious by any means, but believing in yourself despite not being able to see what you can do is the same concept.  I believe that without faith in the capabilities we possess but cannot see, we will never progress. If you cannot trust and understand that you can do great things then you will fail to move forward.

Overcoming insecurity doesn’t start with trying to convince yourself that you are worth something when you do not believe you are. It starts with understanding what values and abilities you already have, and building upon them until whatever shortcoming you had previously seems insignificant in comparison. The rest will follow.

A shift in focus is what is needed; and I don’t mean in the way you perceive yourself. Your focus must be placed on who and what you already are, regardless of personal perception. Approach your conclusions with an impartial viewpoint. Think about what you can do and what you have done, instead of what you don’t like about yourself.

When the focus is shifted from unrealistic expectations to improving upon the great qualities you already have, you are able to find balance. You can be free from insecurity, but it starts with trashing your mirror, so to speak.

Henry_Rollins_Black_Flag_Punching_Mirror_Damaged

Just like the scale, the mirror does nothing but give us an image. It speaks nothing of your abilities or value as a person. Your greatest qualities are simply not visible to the naked eye. Knowing that, we understand that the body is simply a shell. Keep it healthy and treat it well, but never underestimate, criticize, or abuse it. And above all else, love and understand what is inside to help your perspective of the outside.

Only when we let go of our focus on image can we develop a more positive one.

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6 Responses to “Fighting Insecurity With Perspective”

  1. Lifterly March 22, 2013 at 2:40 am #

    Nice post 🙂

  2. PeacefulP March 23, 2013 at 10:08 am #

    Oh yum, I love this post @thecookiemonster! I would also add that the reason we never attain the perfection we seek is because that’s actually how advertisers designed it… Every bit of advertising we see suggests to us that we’re not enough so it can sell us something… That’s how it is designed to work. But you are so right about looking deeper, and about how hard it if for most of us to do so. Thanks!

  3. Jen Comas Keck March 26, 2013 at 4:23 pm #

    What a beautiful post! The timing is also very interesting because I just jotted down a note to myself yesterday that said, “What do you want? WHY do you want it?”

    Fave line: “Regardless of what you may deem “perfection” now, that image will change when and if you reach it.”

  4. O.R. April 2, 2013 at 12:27 am #

    Amazing and deadly honest words. I am a guy and more than once a day i think most of the things you’ve described in the post above. Because of my thinking i’ve developed this crazy belief of “perfection” which is ofcourse almost impossible. And that has resulted into me being a total insecure and “cut-off” type of person. Social anxiety, lack of confidence and procrastinator are few other problems.
    The only time i (think) am happy when i in a fantasy world. False hope, false values and false outcomes. Few years to live….

    –Anonymous.

  5. Whitney April 5, 2013 at 7:48 am #

    That was a beautifully written article, you hit the nail on the head. Thank you for that. As someone whose also struggled with the need for perfection and low self esteem, your article spoke volumes to the girl in me who still from time to time seeks validation from others and from the hardest critic myself

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  1. Articles To Read This Week | The Spot Athletics - March 26, 2013

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